22 was good, 23 can you do something for me

Like a guilty parent, I shall not apologize for my disappearance but go ahead to tell you how my year went

I honestly thought I’d die before my birthday in “22. You know, I had it mapped out. It was either I died of depression or overdosing on my Anti Depressants. Either ways, someone’s getting paid.

Anyways here’s how my 2022 went.

In January I cried for a love that hurt me, that hurt me so bad, I prayed for death. I prayed to die and never be resurrected.

The Weeknd dropped dawn Fm. I fell in love with the man all over again.

I lost my job, and even got more depressed. I fell out a lot with my father. I fell in love with my Mama. (I’m borderline obsessed with you Adunni, you’re the love of my life and my best friend)

In February, I was so lonely that I threw a party for lonely people on Valentine’s Day. I kissed a girl for the first time in years. I met Hamna, my year old niece who I’m in love with. My older sister got married to the love of her life. I was happy to see Olamide be a wife, she did good.

I fell In love with a boy in March, he was the prettiest man ever to me. He made me feel like I could be enough. He made me feel like a princess even when I felt like crap. ( hold the awwws)

In April I turned 25, and quit working for my dad. A 45 year old man asked me to marry him and I laughed till my nose bled. My anxiety came back. I had a panic attack in the middle of the road and almost died. I lost faith in everything

May came, and I got a job. I went out with friends, I was falling In love with Aduke, and never stopped falling. I hope I never stop falling. I had my third Deliverance - I don’t think it worked.

June, I got a tattoo. I got my first work query. My dad had a routine procedure done that scared the crap out of me. I’d never admit it but I am not ready to part with that man. I love him - vices and all.

In July, I changed jobs, and mentally checked out of my friendships and relationships. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. I started my anti depressants again and even needed drugs to sleep. I was celibate the whole month. I drank like a fish, anything to keep the thoughts away.

August came with a lot of fights. My best friend stopped being friends with me. I cried because it hurt like a bitch. It did. I felt distant from my friends, felt like the odd one out, the one everyone could do without. I hid liquor everywhere, even in my court bag. I let go of someone I was sure I wanted to be with forever. It hurt but I had to. Over the time, I started to resent them. I couldn’t love them the way they deserved. I stopped my anti Ds without consulting the doctor. Let’s say it was a horrible thing to do.

In September, I got something that I’d always wanted, fell right on my lap. Maybe the best friendship I have currently. I found out this month that jealousy is a disease and I needed to fix up. I kissed a stranger ( as a dare) I took more walks to clear my head. I ate a lot too. Cuddled a lot. Also spent a lot of time in traffic.

October was short, all I did that was worth anything was win a personal case I had been on. I was proud of myself and oh yeah, my master’s application for Saskatchewan got rejected. I was sad because I really wanted to go to that university. My sister had the most beautiful baby girl alive - Fareeha Semileniola Moyosore - yeah that’s aunty Barakah to you.

November, I went to akure for a wedding, I met the funniest set of humans ever, I started the transition from corporate law to tech ( trust fund man child baby influence), south became south on the beach( still a banger btw). I donated blood to an ailing friend. My aunt died, My grandpa died. I hurt so bad. I moved out of the nest and gained 8kg

December, I fell sick. I got babied by my sisters and friends. I hurt someone I love, and I was mean about it. I realized I got funnier ( if you like don’t agree), and finer. That happened Like smack dab in the middle of the road, I was like “Barakah you did good”.

As I write this, I’m laying on Tife’s bed with the urge to cry ( I hate EOYs), but. Here’s what I ultimately learned.

Hating is allowed, if you want to be a hater, do it with your full chest.

Wednesday Addams wasn’t a waste of time

The Weeknd will forever be my one true love - creepin was just beautiful

I can do everything I want to, if I just put my back into it.

People will leave, so enjoy your time with them.

Love is unreal when it happens to you.

Celibacy is goated.

It’s okay to cry, as long as you intend to do something about it. Cry, be mad but as you wipe the last drop of tears off, get your shit together

Get comfortable with yourself. Go out and see the sun.

If it hurts too much, then sleep.

Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray about everything.

It’s never too late to learn anything.

Don’t work with another person’s time

Be happy for people.

Learning these things were a little harder than it’ll have been if I had just listen to my sister. But what can I say, I’m stuck in my ways.

This 2023, I want to spend more time journaling. I want to plan for a great year. I want to be able to look back and say “ Barakah you did good”

I want to spend time with my family, my siblings, my niece Fareeha. I want to sow good seeds for the future. I want to be there for my friends. I want to fall in love with myself. I want to be the first tech lawyer in my family of legal professionals.

I want to watch my baby sister graduate, and my brother go to law school. I want to watch one of my besties Ayomide get married and be happy for her.

Most importantly, I want to be happy. Happier than I’ve ever been and that’s my goal for the year.

Enough of this nonsense, I need to go to pray and welcome the new year, afterwards we go make great January first memories with Chiby.

Happy new year.

Love, Light and Amala.