I DONT REALLY LIKE TO ....... BUT WETIN DEY

I really don't remember the last time i wrote in pidgin but let's just say i have reached the end of my madness

Hello my lovelies. I am back.

i am sorry for my long break, i have no excuse.

As you all know, I share everything with you guys - or at least I make an effort to. You're familiar with my eccentricities, and as I often jest, if my life anecdotes haven't elicited a chuckle from you, then I'm afraid there's little else I can do to assist.

So, what's the latest with me? What's the scoop? I guess asking, "What isn't wrong with you?" would pretty much sum up the rant I'm about to dive into.

Besides the fact that I've been cooped up at home for a couple of days, dealing with the whole Omah Lay debacle and the nonsensical hot takes that have come with it, I'm doing alright. Let me delve into my issues a bit more.

Three weeks ago marked the nadir of my existence. I toiled relentlessly until I started seeing double. And thankfully, most of you are familiar with Nigerian employers, those unfeeling souls who rival the disinterest of a Lagos man who's done with you. But I digress; I'm not here to dissect Lagos men today. That's a tale for another time, perhaps another year. Anyway, amidst the hustle and bustle of contemporary life, the clash between professional demands and personal boundaries often leaves us at a crossroads. Recently, I found myself suspended from work until month-end simply because I refused to work on a weekend.

Choosing personal time over professional obligations was a deliberate decision, rooted in my staunch belief in maintaining a healthy work-life equilibrium. However, this stance, though meaningful to me, has stirred up some trouble, especially within my family circle. My parents, in particular, have been anticipating a display of remorse from my end. Yet, upon reflection, I remain steadfast in my conviction. While I understand the repercussions my decision may have on my job and those around me, I cannot bring myself to regret prioritizing my well-being and personal commitments.

But now that I'm at home, catching up on "Avatar" and attending to my myriad tasks, while my best friend is gearing up to treat me to popsicles because, well, I deserve it, let's delve into the one aspect of this suspension that I regret. The less occupied I am, the less I dwell on the misfortunes in my life. With ample time on my hands now, I'm on edge, easily irritable, and arguably the neediest person alive.

Yesterday, I spent time with a fraction of the people I hold in high regard, and I indulged in copious amounts of gin. Ah, gin – my poison of choice, Gordon's Sunset Orange, to be precise. So I imbibed, and imbibed some more. I recall Femi, Anike, and Bolaji probing into my state of mind.

As they say, every action bears consequences. I may have overindulged in alcohol, and my stomach protested vehemently. I reached out to my friends. Some checked in with me, others didn't (might as well have been on the verge of death in some cases). Of course, I wouldn't know since I passed out for over ten hours. Upon regaining consciousness, I half-expected a flood of concerned calls and texts. But alas, only my mother cared enough to keep ringing and messaging.

This brings me to the crux of the matter I've grappled with during my downtime. I'm constantly reminded that bending over backwards for people doesn't guarantee reciprocation. The signs are always there; you just know. But if you're inherently delusional like yours truly, you'll turn a blind eye to the warning signals, the metaphorical rhinos in the room, and forge ahead like Prince Zuko (yes, I wrote this while watching Avatar).

Fortunately, you all know me as the most self-aware individual in Barakah Land. So, amidst this tumult of emotions - anger, sadness, and predominantly self-pity - I find myself questioning: Why do I crave reciprocity of kindness, care, and love? Why is it so imperative for me to seek these things? And, most importantly, why am I so determined to obtain them from individuals who lack the capacity to offer them, seeing me merely as a tool for their convenience?

The day I uncover the answers to these questions, my journey through life will undoubtedly become more fulfilling. Until then, please enjoy the rollercoaster ride that is my life, complete with its peculiar stops along the way.

till next time,

love and light

Barakah Out.