I Don’t Wait for Anyone to Bring Me Flowers

I Don’t Wait for Anyone to Bring Me Flowers. Instead, I worry tirelessly about being treated well. Like, I’m on an endless shift at the “Making Sure People Treat Me Like a Human Being” factory, with no salary, no benefits, and the occasional workplace hazard of betrayal. I don’t even want luxury treatment—just the basics. Respect, kindness, maybe an occasional Hey, I appreciate you thrown in there for good measure. But no. Apparently, even asking for basic decency is the equivalent of demanding someone hand over their liver.

You know what’s funny? I will bend over backward to make sure I don’t make anyone uncomfortable, yet people will roll over my feelings like they’re speed bumps on a poorly maintained Lagos road. And then, when I finally react—when I so much as breathe in the direction of my irritation—I’m suddenly the “sensitive” one. Oh, you’re taking it too seriously. Oh, that’s just how they are. Oh, shut up. Because, somehow, my silence, my patience, my ability to let things go unnoticed—all of that gets ignored. But the minute I refuse to swallow disrespect? I’m “doing too much.”

Let me tell you about a particularly beautiful day in my life. I spent hours—HOURS—worrying about a friend. Was she upset? Did I do something wrong? Should I reach out? Meanwhile, what was she doing? Plotting against me. Full-on supervillain activity. She was actively working to ruin something good for me while I was out here doing the emotional Olympics on her behalf. If my life had a soundtrack, that moment would have been the perfect time to cue the clown music.

And it’s not just friends. I’ve spent too much of my life in a state of anxiety over whether I’m being treated well enough. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? I don’t worry about thriving, or being adored, or being celebrated. I worry about whether people will have the common sense to treat me with dignity. And when I finally realized how exhausting that was, I decided: Never again.

Now? I don’t wait. I don’t wait for people to show up for me. I don’t wait for people to do the right thing. I don’t wait for people to remember that I deserve kindness just as much as I give it. If there’s love to be had, I’ll give it to myself. If there’s reassurance to be spoken, I’ll say it to myself. And if there are flowers to be given? Oh, I’ll buy myself the biggest bouquet and write a Thank You card while I’m at it.

Because if I’m going to be exhausted, it’ll be from loving myself properly—not from waiting for people to do what they should have been doing anyway.

As always, I leave you with love, light, and a steaming plate of amala.