LIFE AS A 27 YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED FIRST DAUGHTER.

THAT NURTW MAN I REJECTED TWO-THREE YEARS AGO, IF HE GOES TO MY MOTHER TODAY? I WILL BE MARRIED BEFORE 6:35 TOMORROW MORNING.

I want to start by saying that I love my mother, and God knows if I didn't, I wouldn't even be bothered. But let's just say it's typical Yoruba mother behavior. As my friend Femi says, it's "iwa bi iwa weyre" (acting foolishly).

Anyway, I've been in the dog pound like my grand uncle's dog Shapiro because last year, my immediate younger sister got married, and now one of my younger brothers is about to marry the love of his life. My mother says it's something I should be ashamed of because "ni le won, akobi lo ma koko marry" (in their lineage, the first daughter marries first). i shed a few tears and proceeded to rant to my brother. Her tone of delivery was harsher than normal and she insinuated something must be wrong with me. it hurt me.

If you know me, you know that as much as I claim to be a hard guy, my siblings are my life. I would do anything, cross any hurdle, die for them even. So, I didn't understand where the anger I felt after that conversation was coming from.

I felt a very tiny bit of jealousy, then I checked myself. Then I got mad at my mother for making me feel that way. The self-pity wanted to sneak in like that Tom meme, but I reminded myself that it's not like I haven't tried; it's just not time yet.

Then it dawned on me that for the last year, I had avoided attending any wedding party for any member of my extended family. It's not like I hate them (some of them, at least), but I asked myself why. I reached a conclusion that may seem selfish, but I recently learned how to put myself first (Lagos men will teach you this by fire by force).

I HAVE GROWN WEARY OF THE FAUX SYMPATHIES AND CONCERN.

Walahi, I am tired of them all. The “your own time will come,” “where is your own man,” “you are a woman, your night will soon come,” “oju o tie, awo omo inue ti marry, Instagram boys lon tele” (the Instagram one came after my Trace Table Talk with Tolu Daniels).

Then there are the ones that come with an age reminder: “Omodun melo ni e, 27 o de ni boyfriend, ah that’s a serious problem.” I'm like, ma’am, I can provide you with 110 situations that are more of a serious problem than me being single.

The pressure from Yoruba mothers to get married is intense. It's almost a cultural expectation that once you hit your mid-20s, you should be well on your way to the altar. For the Love of Allah, maintenance cost for one person is cutthroat already, please now mummy please.

But let's talk about the real issues: the economy is deteriorating every day, and basic items are becoming luxuries. Capri-Sun is now 10k per pack, but they think I have wedding money? It's absurd. i have had to drop a lot of addictions this year, because i cannot afford it and you think that i can afford a man or a husband. You must be a joke, mummy wasiu.

Asides that, Monday morning you’re talking about marriage when i am trying to make money? hehehehe. ( i love you Rema, so much)

Jokes apart, let’s even say I have the money now, shey it’s the person that has intended that will have intention. If I don’t have a man, what should I do? Go and borrow an actor or what? Or should I kidnap someone’s son with jazz? In this Lagos, where half the time you’re the only one in the relationship or you’re in a relationship with someone’s husband, finding a love-worthy man is like finding a needle in a haystack. i cannot rush into anything, abeg. i don’t want to rush in and out after two children and saunter into their lives after 10 years to be making ludicrous demands. ( sub intended)

The reality is that many of us are still trying to establish our careers and secure financial stability. Marriage is a significant milestone, but it shouldn't come at the expense of personal and financial well-being. Rushing into marriage just to meet societal expectations is like buying a Toyota Camry from those mechanics who are always hiding from customers. It might look great on the surface, but if you haven’t checked under the hood, you could end up stuck in the breakdown lane sooner than you’d like!

There is the fact that When people marry primarily to conform to societal norms, they often overlook crucial aspects like compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect. This can lead to major challenges and misunderstandings in the relationship. Additionally, the pressure to marry can prevent individuals from truly getting to know their partner and building a solid foundation of trust and communication. You wan marry Lagos man without getting to know him ? okay, so what kind of acid do you like?

Anyways, i have shaded my mother and passed my point across effectively but let me be serious and say this.

It’s crucial to focus on personal readiness and the quality of the relationship rather than just meeting external expectations.Do not let anyone browbeat you into marriage; do it on your own time. Ma wo ago alago sise (Don't work with another person’s timing). Marriage is not a one-size-fits-all situation.

And if you decide to marry a Lagos man, I wish you health and the strength of 1000 100mg Ibuprofen, because you’ll be needing it, like mad.

Until next time,

Love, Light and Amala