The First Time I willingly had sex

I said willingly, thanks to My Calabar neighbor’s only son. Big ups boss.

If you follow me on Twitter or on my Snapchat, you would see and know that I am a total fan of intercourse. Lord I’m a fan. But I’ve not always liked intercourse and I owe that to three forced sexual occurrence and a failed first time willing intercourse

I don’t like to discuss being raped. But I’ll tell you about the first time I had sex willingly

I was with this man, who tbh had all the experience in the world. I would later owe all my vast (and I mean vast) sexual experience to him.

we had been dating for a month. It was my first serious relationship and we started talking about sex.

Every time we had the discussion, I felt my self tense up. I wasn’t ready. I was scared. I told myself that it had something to with my past experiences with sex. But it wasn’t. I don’t think it was

If anything, it had something to do with the fact that I had read a plethora of books on intercourse (sex for dummies and a couple of harlequin books) and I had a warped up idea on how I wanted sex to look or feel like.

I let him convince me. Honestly I think it was more me wanting to put what I read into practice than he wanting it.

Well curiosity killed the kitty (pun intended)

We went on a date or a concert ( I can’t be too sure) I had my carryon and the plan was to go over to his afterwards.

I was nervous and I almost backed out. But for the sake of curiosity and the fact that I might be all the things in the world but I don’t renege on my promises and I don’t back down from a challenge

Alright now here’s how it happened.

We got to his house. He was a little drunk and I was tipsy but you know in that mode that you’d still be able to tell what’s happening.

I hardly dropped my bag when the pawing started. God. Looking back at that day I’d laugh and say eww

There was no fore play. And upon entrance, Lmao I felt a searing pain, that made me want to boot the guy up and say please Leave me alone. But I let it go on and in under 16 minutes we were done. He rolled over and slept. But me, me I was looking at the ceiling and asking myself “what the fuck just happened”

I went home the next day, as opposed to spending the weekend. I was walking funny and my thingy bled. I couldn’t discuss with anybody because I was ashamed.

I got to my room, took a pen and paper and started jotting my experience down. Compared it to the things that I have read and realized that there were a lot of things missing.

I didn’t have an orgasm, I didn’t feel anything but pain and “oh my god” can he finish so I can go home.

Till today every time I have intercourse I tense up for the first few minutes. Time hasn’t helped me out.

How did I handle it?

I spoke to him. I explained how I felt. What I needed. How much of a novice I was. and my past experience with sex.

Honestly that might have been the best decision I made in my life because in the coming weeks and months, he taught me so much. (Side bar: he’s the one of the few people that I’ve told about being sexually assaulted and raped that hasn’t used it against me )

He was a great teacher and lover. I owe most of my knowledge to him.

If I could go back to my first time, I’d tell my self to calm down and tell my partner everything first. To save myself from the pain and all the accompaniments.

I would tell my self to just wear the nicest panties in my underwear drawer and relax. Have some wine and be merry.

Sex is fun, when you’re doing it with the right person.

However, stay away from Premarital Sex y’all. Save your souls.

Love, light and Amala