THE GIRLS DON’T STAND A CHANCE

Yes, my title inspiration is from a B.O.B and Janelle Monae song called The Kids. Deal with it

Hey, Barakah here.

I am about to tell you why I find it odd that men around the world,( but you know Lagos) especially entered into an argument about the wear and tear of the faux titty support clothing, famously known as a bra, but also tell you in the same light that I am not here to do that. (You get me?)

Hey, don’t get me wrong, I am not Idi Amin who is not a fan of the freedom of speech concept. Say what you may, and what you feel like. However, wouldn’t it be appropriate for you to only dip your toe into familiar waters i.e., contribute to matters that affect you, that you can relate to.

As opposed to Cho Cho Cho like a filter less cog.

That aside, I am not here to tell you that I find that odd ( see I told you I would do that). Instead, I would be sharing with you, my journey with a bra and how I stopped wearing one.

I grew breasts really late. I mean everyone in my class were already wearing some form of support for the chest area, and there was me, the very beautiful example of a Japanese drawing board. In-fact, I was one of the boys at that point, I may have been the president of the boys’ club.

I saw the first sign of breasts in 2008, I was 11, about to turn 12 and I just started popping out. I had an aunt who would yank on my little poppers frequently and honestly if I had Thor’s hammer, she’d be dead and gone now. But I was excited no matter how sad it looked that I was happy about breasts when in my little world, the excitement that breasts gave young children like me had faded. I remember happily sharing that I had breasts now to one of my classmates and she said, “late comer”. It hurt me but as a child I was never one to let my hurt stop my excitement.

I remember following Mrs. Mummy to Ikotun market to buy my first bra top. I couldn’t contain my joy all the way. I was so happy that I remember mummy saying “abike ara e n gbon” ( I was too restless, and I needed to chill)

I grew older so did my girls. Although as I turned 18, they kind of never grew past the tit in one hand size, but my world, they were beautiful, and they were mine. As I grew up, my choice in titty support grew, I moved from a bra top to a padded bra and so on.

In my third year in in the University, I made the decision to stop wearing a bra or any form of titty support. I would walk around school in a barely there crop top or camisole, with a jacket or shirt flung over my shoulders. I would go to class in my black and white without a bra on so in the event that it turned cold, my girls were standing out like morning wood.

I was asked why by a lot of people, my friends, my family, random strangers (I remember someone asking me if breast cancer awareness month was all year) and I never responded, and I just did as I wanted.

But here is why I stopped wearing a bra.

I had no idea why I was wearing it in the first place. If it was because it would sag, first things first, I’m 26 with a beautiful set and those girls stay up like an agbero’s hands when he sees someone to extort money from.

However, it might do us all good to know that breasts will sag for a plethora of reasons and not wearing a bra is not part. Age would make the ligaments that make up the breast tissue stretch and lose elasticity. Collagen deficiency, estrogen deficiency, gravity, high body mass index, larger breast size, menopause, smoking, weight loss, weight gain, multiple pregnancies are all true and proven causes of saggy breast.

Do you want to know the three debunked causes of saggy breasts? Not wearing a bra, breastfeeding, and wearing a bad bra.

Was I wearing a bra so my girls could look good in clothing? Perhaps. Honestly, I did pay too much attention to what I looked like when I was out of my space, so I’ll concede.

Do I blame the English monarchy as far as 19gbogbotigbo? Damn right. Queen charlotte couldn’t have felt comfortable in all that get up. And before anyone comes here with the “beauty is pain” crap, I would like to establish that I have a different idea of pain that I am very much okay with. So please, refrain from being the bane of my existence ( see, that’s how you use that phrase)

Back to the issue on ground. I would say that I stopped wearing a bra for three reasons:

First,  it was too hot for all of that crap. I would rather be nude than wear clothes sometime.

Second, I didn’t see why I needed to

Third, the underwire hurt my girls a lot. I hated the rashes, the twinges of pain I got when it got too hot.

I have come across a lot of ignoramuses with the idea that bras are the golden warriors of saggy breasts prevention. I hope they find the light soon.

I know a lot of people that feel averse to the idea of bras like me. Bras are inconvenient, annoying, and honestly in the event that we are forced by the society to wear them, the girls don’t stand a chance.

In conclusion, I hope the women who read this know that the detestability of the famous titty support is a shared one.

I hope the men get an insight into how it feels to wear them.

I hope the aforementioned ignoramuses find the light or learn to mind their business.

In the event that the above happens, my world would be a pretty one.

Until then, I bid you farewell.

Love, Light and Amala ( I feel spectacular about today’s farewell, because my end game tonight is indeed Amala)